Throughout the day, I’ll have light bulb moments that I want to write about, and now here I am, with no idea what to write about. I’m going to the Morning Page it and type until something is uncovered. So I’ll talk about my day. When I got up this morning, I was surprised to smell the rain off in the distance. I got out for a walk at sunrise, and wow, it felt like God had crafted this sunrise just for me. Of course, I grabbed my phone and took some photos, but the photos couldn’t even come close to capturing the splendor of the clouds reflecting the rising sun’s light.

It’s an interesting feeling to experience. I’ve never been a religious person. I’ve flirted around with spirituality. I’ve had deeply moving experiences, childbirth, and meeting God in a dream. Even with those, I’ve not felt the comfort of God all around me. I started 2025 off in the liminal space, the void. A place where I let go of all beliefs other than the obvious, be kind. One afternoon, I was sitting on my porch and had the experience of the eternal now. In my mind, being present would be a pleasant experience, yet it felt overwhelming. If the now is so eternal, then change is so far away. I’ve learned to accept what is and choose how I want to feel. This isn’t a process that I’m 100% great at. I’ve accepted this weird place of no beliefs and chosen to listen and pay close attention. How many of these beliefs are even mine?

Even in communities like the consciousness and spiritual, how much conversation is had regarding ideas like abundance and manifestation? You are supposed to adopt them with no discourse. I’m not here to put down those communities but to highlight how easy it is to take on someone else’s ideas and beliefs. I’ve come to see how vital acquiring beliefs, ideas, and truths are. Gaining them through lived experience provides a different context. It also does something more than that. You feel them. They become a 3d structure within you, not just some concept or idea that lives in your head but is simultaneously felt throughout you.

I accept being in the void because now I get to be aware and intentional with my faith. When I stepped out my door this morning, and had the overwhelming feeling that this sunrise was made for me, that is exactly what I’m looking for.

After soaking in the sunrise, I turned the corner to head east and was greeted by the misty mountains. I was able to experience the dance in life. Life isn’t about always being in the light. It’s not that light is good and dark is bad. Light and dark bring out the beauty in each other, which is a metaphor I get to apply to myself. I’m this beautiful mix of light and darkness: things I know and don’t know, my kindness and furry, my introvertedness and love of talking to people, my love for adventure, and my simultaneous need for a steady rhythm. All these opposites exist within me, entangled together. So for now, maybe that’s as close as I can get to God, and that’s okay.