Yesterday was a huge realization. It was my default position that not knowing myself entirely meant that I was somehow flawed. When I read O’Donohue’s words in Anam Cara, it was like the bud had finally broken through the dirt. So much made sense. We are continually growing, which means we are continually becoming anew, as are the people around us. I think this is why we don’t see how depressed the people around us are. They have learned to function in their routine and are growing internally in their discontent, and because we never look at them wondering who they are today, we miss the subtle signs.

This experience really has me thinking about all the assumed perspectives I engage in. This is the work I have been doing, but this one hit at a deeper level. Maybe because of how fundamental knowing oneself is. The question becomes, what lens am I viewing this information through? What lens am I filtering this thought through?

As I read through some of my older posts, I’m mortified. How quickly I grow in my perception. That is why I am posting here, as a diary of sorts, a time capsule of my thinking evolution. I do keep a written journal, multiple journals, that I write in daily. Writing is a place of freedom for me. This project is another place where I write free of thought curation. I edit my spelling and basic grammar, but I let what is written come to form as I write. I can easily spend a lot of time working through an idea in my head. I spend all day doing that, to be honest. As someone who is extremely forgetful, it helps to be able to go back and read.

For one, I can remember what I wrote and how I got the conclusion I did. But even bigger than that, I can remember parts in a distorted way. That happened with this topic. When I was writing in detail what I learned about knowing yourself, I went back to my journal to read my entries on it. As it turns out, I had not written precisely what I thought I had, so I was glad that I had it recorded. Perception is everything, and I will be more intentional with my internal lens.