When I was a child I hated writing. It was a lot of work. It still is work. I do not have a strong vocabulary and to add to that, I often experience the world as a visual or as feelings that float around my head. When I go to write, I have to translate a web of images and feelings into words. It can often take time for me to do this. One reason is that I’m not sure how to map out the webbing into a linear susinct cohseive through. I get caught up in the context and don’t know how to seperate the way in which all things are tied together. Then there are the mechanics of writing. Vocabulary, sentence structure and flow.

I can produce great work. Work that I’ll go back and read and not realize I wrote, but it takes a lot of time writing and re-writing. That’s not a bad thing, at the same time 99% of my writing is either locked away or scratched. I don’t need a purpose to writing. I don’t need to write to be good, to make an impact, to say something profound. I am not sure that there are any profound thoughts left.

I enjoy writing so I do it.

This year, I wanted to create a difficult goal. I like a rhythm to my day but do not like have a minute by minute structure to it. While I have a solid morning routine that I stick to 7 days a week and am really good and being flexible with what needs to happen that day, my afternoons fall apart and I struggle to accomplish the things I want to.

I am in the middle of a big thread of “why?” Why do I need to accomplish? Why do I want/need to feel x? I just keep asking why at every answer. When it comes to writing I don’t really have a why. It is not for anyone else. I just want to.

I figured I would combine something I have no realy external motive to do, with sticking to one very hard thing. An afternoon routine of writing daily. My plan is to post it here on mywebsite, which is also a practice in not over analyzing (I think it’s not a good idea to take the stance of not caring about anyone else opinion) what I put out in the world. It isn’t here to serve anyone else.

While my intention is everyday, I’m not going to have a melt down if that doesn’t happen. I have 3 kids, homeschool and work from home, so life demands flexibility. There’s this dance between sticking to doing the things you say you are going to do (really important for how your subconscious mind forms your identity) and going with the flow. I’m explaining this in that, if I miss a day or two, I don’t have the personality where I’m just going to quit because I failed. This is an experiment in doing something hard, in taking something I want to get better at for my own joy and engaging in a structured daily practice. I have no perameters, no specific length and no specific time I’ll be writing.

You’ll see some good stuff on here and probably a lot of trash and some occasional wisdom. It’s not really for you, it’s for me. If you read I hope you enjoy and if not, click on the x on your browsing page, it’s okay!